I'm really into asian looking animals
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
