I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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