My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
