Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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