yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
