I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
