She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
