She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
