I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
