Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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