We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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