windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
