the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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