I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
