I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
