So drunk its hurt
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
