Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want nice things and good sex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
