Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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