Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
