what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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