the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
