Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
