When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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