i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
