I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
