he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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