I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
