I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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