I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
