I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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