If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
