either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
