And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
