Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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