I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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