he was CRYING into my vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
