So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
