Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I die, sorry about rent.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
