i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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