I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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