didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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