I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
