walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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