Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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