Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
BRING THE BAGELS
It's shark week go big or go home
Enjoy the penises
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
