The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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