Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
