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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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