I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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