Only a mothe r could love this liver
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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