you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
